House that feels like no home

Im such a spoilt brat. Cant live in a this kind of house.
Noo! Im not.
As matter of fact. I dont give such damn to facilities. Sofa. Tv. Bed or watever shit inside a home suppose to have.
In my own words, home suppose to be a place where i want to be the most after all the shitness ive went through for the day.
But here. No! Hell no!
Even back in utp, i accept it as home.
Why? Bcoz the people inside here
Its just tear my heart apart. When i cant share experience for the day. When i feel rejected. When i feel loneliest in the most of night.
Back in home. Back in UTP
I hve my parents and sisters. And friends.
Whom i could tell anything
Here, being away from them. Just make me missing more.
Shitness in another lonely nite. 😪

My mistakes were made for you

*were

Human cannot run from mistake right? So do I. As humble as I'm entitled as human, accepting all my mistakes as learning period.
I cannot resist myself from doing same old mistake.

Falling in love with ya bestfren.

Ive done before. And what was the consequence, Ive lost him.
Lost him not just as crush, but bestfriend.
Losing crush is just a moving phase in my life. But, losing bestfriend. That is the deepest cut. Ever.
If i could run over the time. How am i wishing to not let this feeling overwhelmed me. And both of us.

If and only I agree that putting label in any relationship u have. Is just a starter damage for disaster, I definetely bot going to agree with that title


Finish. Smile wont ya Aqilah :)

Commitment issue

I always have commitment issue within myself.
I often put something and someone for granted.
Always happend and same ol cycle.
When something i desire is not achieved. Then u will see im putting my ass off working hard for it.
Wait till I get my hands on it. U will notice how I let them slowly moving out from my life. Or maybe letting go. Or pushing them away.

I always find hard to balance my commitment. Toward bestfren and toward friend.
The most scariest thing is. When i get too attached, it is hard for me to turn back and be same ol me.
I mean like. To be too dependent and relying on same person, it is just scares me alot.
That is what I always thought about being committed onto someone.

Even for my family, I always work hard to impress my parents, and how many times it turns out to be a successful mission, count with ya right finger only.
That is how i misserabbly fail when it comes to impressing my parents. That is why. I often stay low. Be a mid achiever, because I dont want my parents to put high expection on me.
The idea of being someone important and expected to achieve something better, scare me like a shit.


See. I dont have battle with any1. I have battle with my ownself. Shit. Im crazy man.


Finish. I think i like the idea of living wolf or lion life

title speaks

I published the title on the twitter, and got this 1 dude mistaken it to be some 18SX-related. Cant say much. That is how life rolls.
When u do something, there will always be 2 things.
1) perception
2) expectation

Eg ; when i did this new blog and put hardness test as a title. Litterally i expecting people to understood with this and that way. And what the perception that people must have when they read mine. So then, there also 2nd medium of people how will be expecting and perceiving.

This two thing i learn in one of my minor subject. And this a little bit change my attitude towards how this life should rolls.

Finish :)