I develop strange feeling

They said "if you are still in crush-mode even after 4 months, that is what call as Love" (I prefer Love to be in capital letter because the feeling is strong yet undescribeable)

4 months? I knew her late December and we met on mid January, do the calculation, this mid April will be a confirmation date for me.

Her, yes. Develop a strange feeling over same gender is non-harm action, so I dont know why our community is so fuse about LGTB issue. Ignorance.

Her, first ever reason I quite attach with her is, "I am lonely as fuck here" and she is there to say "Yes" for every my "Jom". No, we are not those kind what you might expect holding hand and kissing and do wild things on bed. Every our night out, sharing. I shared my experiences and memories. So does she. Sometimes we discuss over stupid matter and even can hook up to serious matter like politic and how KL can be changed in a matter of infrasturcture. And she is wild noctunal kind that can hold her sleep until 6 am in the morning.

Frankly. Honestly. I followed her back in Twitter because when I opened her avatar. I developed this strange feeling over her smile. "if you think smilling is harrassing, I will harrass you alot". Dear girl, for the first time I ve meet someone with addictive smile ever. Not the sexy kinda, but the honest and naive smile. The curve is so fitted on the face. Until this time being, I am effing glad I hit the follow button back. :)

Hit the follow button, you will never know what you might face. As for me. I face beautiful charming fit smile ever.


Dont be scared, I know how this relationship will end up. Coz Right just we hit 4th month together, silent killer feeling will be developed. Boredness. As usual Aqilah Suhaimi will role.

The giver, the taker

Dynamic relationship; defined by my dear wise friend, one person know what to give and what to take everytime they are together or not.
You have to be in both position, giver and taker.

Analogi and explaination;
Why sometimes shitty relationship seen by us still last longer? Because they need each other. The girl want someone that can spend his forever times for her, so in order to get that, she has to take all the shittyness of his boy. Vise versa. When you are in need, and there is someone who can give you that and this, plus that very person also need something from you. So, whatever happened, you will stuck in that ups and downs relationship.
If and only if you have high self centric, can survive alone, then you can bid goodbye to this kind of relationship


1 thing to be reminded, this kind of relationship offers more ups and downs, hey that is why we call them dynamic, irregular and moving.
Up dynamic relationship (positive vibe) --> when both of you really in need, of each other, then everything she/he offers, eventually received and you will give up everything for that. That is positive because of you are in need.
Meanwhile downs dynamic (negative) is when either one of you or neither, demand nothing. Which is harm if it happens for quite a long time, because you will have this cognitive feeling of not wanting, which everyone knew if it happens for a quite long time, you will lose feeling, either love or tender feeling over your partner.


For me, I always find this kind of relationship is challenging and out of my conformity. In any relationship, I am the one who always be the giver. And that is my comfort zone. Thus, everytime I have to be the taker, real awkwardness will happen. I may perceive it quite diferrent way and sometimes annoying. But if diferrnt gender relationship, I can act well. But in 1 gender relationship, I just cannot.


Irregular, moving, non-comformity, relationship.

Optional

Just so you know, as you thought that informing me also a non important matter. Now Ive made my mind clear. Us also non-important, currently for me.

Leadership in your ass

Ive learnt the hardway to accept people's leadership.
Ive been working with 2 senior managers and 3 executive managers entitled engineers simultinously. And guess what, experiences do teach them good way of leading us, newbie in this industry.
But you Sir, I tried to ignore those rubbish talks about your working style, and I seriously took it as a challenge for me.
You gave me task after task without realising I am attach to other project.
And you expect me to handle everything and expect me to meet all those superiors. Ive been here long enough to know the office politics here. And yes, you mister, you dont want me to go to management and complaint your hand over flaw.
Why I accuse your style has flaw?
First, I realise you have been unrealistic and ignorance. For previous visit, my ex-SV gave me 3 weeks buffer time and told me asap as she got the instructions. Tho all processes still under approval. Why? Coz she knows, if she wanted me to learn, she has to teach me from sracth. But you, you ignore the reason I am here to learn. Not to work for you. Thus, you got the task few weeks ago. But you just told me as you got the aproval which is only 1 weeks. And hell, I know the drills. It is not fucking enough Sir. But yes, people said, take the challenge. Then you know how to do the work. So i took it. Tho I already attach to hell of works. Y? Coz I want to show to my ex-sv that Ive a lot from her. There you go Sir, ignorance and unrealistic.

And worst of all. The most important thing. Of all thing. Tht effing signature, that boss already on leave for week! You could just get the signature last week right? Who the hell am I trainee to go there, big boss and ask for their sign. And now. Everythng is fucked up. And excuse me Sir. If you scold me. I know everything to fire you back. Do i care about my gred? NO. That grade means nothing if dont learn how to shield and hold my dignity high. Working life, if you got the experiences, you know people is looking for you, then dont you ever back up and let them win over you as a loser.