Afraid

Current feeling is. Afraid.
As I observe most of my friend is looking for/having relationship. Or at least they know they searching for.
Me? Neither both. The most committed relationship I've been entering is with my friends. My committent to have fun with them. That all.
As far as I have been questioned, I couldnt answer this question.
"describe your Mr Right"
Seriously, I cannot answer it. Or at least I will give general answer. Mr Tolerable.

And now. Looking that my friend is jumping into relationship. Not to forget. The one that jumping out from relationship.
Make me wonders. What the hell Ive been doing all this moment.
I dont think I am doing enough preparation to attract an opposite gender.
My fashion taste is still the same when I reach puberty. I dont do and dont know how to do make up. I have this boyish-talk-style. And not to mention here. Bad bad bad behavior.
The list goes on. But still. All the above. I dont think there will be any male subject will attract to me. As far as I know. All the novel and movie about falling in love at 1st sight for personality is bullshit. It is happening for blind people only.

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So the question here. Will I change later? Or will I stay the same and found my own kinda guy which I literally cannot describe him?

Truthfully. I am afraid with the answer.


Shit, future scares me alot.